It has been said that moving to Germany is great for beer drinkers, history buffs and the insatiably curious. But why do so many relocating families (more than 70%) then want to return home? The answer: feeling isolated and alone.

Is someone at fault here? What is the root cause of this situation? Here is one reason: how many relocating families have left everything familiar to them to move to a new community without having a way of making personal connections? These could include work connections, social connections, volunteer or common interests… and many more. Generally, we develop friendships with people we have something in common with beyond language or working for the same company.

When relocating there is often a sense of isolation and discomfort with the customs and ways of the new culture, especially for trailing spouses. It can be very difficult to build deep and lasting relationships. Hence, those feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Let’s step back for a moment and look at what might be going on. At first glance, Germans may appear to be more distant and formal than some other nationalities. Looking deeper, however, they are generally people with warm and caring hearts who want to connect as much as the new arrivals do. When newcomers join a community or company, they are often in need of contact and social relationships. They may not know where to begin. Often, they are missing what they left behind, and their established relationships and ways.

Germans are very sensitive people who can sense the pain this causes. Not wanting to disturb the newcomer’s privacy, they will keep their distance. On the job, work is work and conversations are centered on it. On a personal basis, they won’t cross the line of addressing emotional difficulties unless the newcomer first broaches the subject, and this is expected to be with an acquaintance, not a colleague. So, how do you bridge this gap? Very slowly…

As a first step, find business, interest and/or social organizations where you can meet both Germans and other expats… people who are also seeking to connect, and who might understand what you are going through. Search out people with whom you have something in common, rather than making contact purely because you work in the same company or speak the same language. If you can do some of what you would normally do at home, i.e. build relationships with people that you genuinely want to be with and have interesting discussions with, you will be miles ahead in getting happily settled. There are hundreds of organizations (check out some of my earlier articles for a sampling).

Moving to Germany can be a wonderful experience and a chance to build life-long friendships. It takes work, but the depth of the friendships can be truly meaningful and add a luster to your experience.

You will have an opportunity to learn about yourself and your interests… what you want and what holds you back… what makes you happy …. who you are…. and more, when you move. A move to Germany can be an experience that will change your life!

About Author
Sandy Weiner, Master Certified Coach, Career Management Fellow, is a partner in the firm 1-Focus International, a coaching and organization enhancement firm. She is an American living in Berlin, working with clients internationally to help them be their best. For information regarding coaching contact http://www.1-focus.org or sandy.weiner@one-focus.org, with “re:goinglobal” in the subject field.